Goddess Judicci Quoted in “STDs: How to Tell Him the News” on GalTime.com

STDs: How to Tell Him the News
Johanna Lyman
By Johanna Lyman, the JOY Professor Tier 2
on Monday, November 12, 2012
STDs: How to Tell Him the News

We recently covered WHEN to tell your partner you have an STD – and let’s keep in mind, it is not really cocktail-party conversation but something you share with someone you trust.   Waiting until after you’ve been intimate is a recipe for disaster. Once you are at the place to have the talk, it may help to prepare yourself with strategies, words others have used, practice and deep breaths.

I know it’s hard to talk about having an STD. Even though lots of people have or have had a sexually transmitted disease at some point, we’re still very shy about confessing it. But it’s better to have the conversation than not. In fact, I recommend talking about it even if you don’t have an STD yourself.

 

There was a great campaign for safe sex in Montreal a few years ago. It was a photo of a man and a woman hugging, and there were several extra sets of arms around each of them. The message was that you’re sleeping with everyone your partner’s ever slept with. Since one quarter to one-third of adults have some kind of STD, according to the CDC, that message reminds us of an important point.

 

RELATED 4 Things Men Worry About 

 

Here are some suggestions for having the conversation with a new partner.

  • Get Educated. Goddess Judicci suggests, “Find out the facts about your STD and be prepared to speak openly about the ways it can be transmitted and the practical steps you can take to prevent transmission. Find out the facts and communicate them calmly. In the long run, both of you will be happier and safer.”
  • If you’ve tested negative but aren’t sure your partner has, create a safe space to initiate the conversation. Help normalize it by sharing any experience you may have had with an STD, even if you’ve been cured.
  • PRACTICE before having the talk with a close friend who can ask you questions,” Dr. Sheri Meyers, family and marriage therapist, says. “Anticipate questions about how many outbreaks you’ve had, whether you have ever transmitted it, and how will you protect your partner. Even if they don’t ask the question, you should have the answers ready.”

 

Read more: http://galtime.com/article/love-sex/41416/50169/stds-how-tell-him-news#ixzz2CPIuG6we

Goddess Judicci Quoted in 7 Reasons Why You DON’T Want Sex – On GalTime

7 Reasons Why You DON’T Want Sex
Johanna Lyman
By Johanna Lyman, the JOY Professor Tier 2
on Monday, September 17, 2012
7 Reasons Why You DON'T Want Sex
reasons why your sex life is stalled

It can sneak up on you without you even consciously realizing it. Maybe you’re too tired at the end of the day to even think about sex. Maybe you find yourself resisting your lover’s advances out of habit without considering the reason why. However it presents itself, at some point you might think to yourself… “I just don’t want sex!” There are many reasons women may not want to have sex– but lack of intimacy in a relationship can lead to serious repercussions. Before you give up on your sex life, consider these common causes of a low libido. You may be also to easily identify and fix the situation.

1. You might be angry. You could be angry with your partner over something he recently did or didn’t do. You could also have built up an entire reservoir of anger over the past several months or years. Women aren’t socialized to express anger comfortably, so when we feel angry we might not know what to do with it. You might feel a flare up of anger, then stuff it back into your subconscious. If I asked, “Are you angry with your partner?” you might tell me no. But the subconscious mind doesn’t forget, and this repressed anger will prevent you from making sexual overtures or responding to his. To determine if you’re subconsciously angry with your partner, notice how you feel when he starts to be amorous. Anger is often felt as a tightness in the solar plexus, so pay attention to the messages your body sends.

Related: 5 Tips for Looking Good Naked NOW

2. You could have uterine fibroids or dry vaginal walls or one of many “female problems.” Of course it’s wise to see your doctor for a checkup if you experience these or other symptoms, advises sexologist/healer Goddess Judicci, but also remember that you can never use too much lube or go too slowly. And, it’s important to realize that vaginal sex isn’t the only way to receive or give pleasure. Remember the sensuality of bygone years when “heavy petting” was such a turn on? Cuddling and tender stroking can be sensuous and fun.

3. Your hormones could be out of balance. Thyroid, estrogen and progesterone all impact sex drives. Hormones change as we age; about 26% of women in or near perimenopause (mid 40s usually) are diagnosed with some type of thyroid dysfunction, with hypothyroidism or underactive thyroid being the most common. Estrogen decreases as we age, which can cause vaginal dryness and decreased sex drive. You may not realize this, but women produce testosterone as well, and testosterone is also linked with higher sex drives in women. As you approach menopause, both estrogen and testosterone levels decrease, lowering your libido.

4. You could be clinically depressed. According to Maria Merloni, MSW, sex and relationship therapist, “Depression can, and often does, lower sex drive for a number of reasons.  Very often there is a decreased interest or pleasure in activities in general, and that can include sex.  Also, low self-esteem can be one of the symptoms of depression; chances are any insecurities you have about your body will be exaggerated at this time.  And finally, depressed women are often tired, and since sex takes energy, it’s probably not on the top of your ‘to do’ list.”

5. You might be bored with the same sexual script. Variety is the spice of life, and that’s especially true when it comes to sex. No matter how talented your lover may be, if he does the same thing every time, you’ll become desensitized to it. Remember: sexual arousal lights up the brain the same way drugs do. If you were a drug addict, you would need more drugs over time to achieve the same high. Although that’s not a sexy comparison, it’s a good one. Your brain requires different stimulation to become sexually aroused with the same person over time. Luckily, this one is an easy fix. Even changing up one part of the sexual script can increase arousal. He can kiss the back of your neck from behind or straddle you on the bed while he ravishes your breasts.

Related: 5 Things Men Can Do to Turn Women On

6. You don’t feel sexy. Maybe you’ve gained weight or gotten out of shape. It happens to the best of us at some point, unless you’re so self-critical you never let yourself slack… and that’s not sexy either. Fixing this requires a new mind set, and you might need some professional help to get started. If this is true for you, there are two important things to understand. First, sexy is a state of mind, not a dress size. Skinny doesn’t equal sexy; self confidence equals sexy. Second, you are probably much harder on yourself than your partner would ever dream of being. Studies have shown that the overwhelming majority of men (85%) prefer women with a little meat on their bones over women who are underweight.

7. You’re too busy. When your brain is overwhelmed, certain pleasure responses in the body shut down. To counteract this, sexologist/healer Goddess Judicci advises that you “Remind yourself that you deserve to be satisfied…put down that never-ending “To Do” list, take a few deep breaths, get in touch with your passion, and give yourself permission for JOY. If you must organize yourself with a list, put pleasuring, pampering and satisfaction among the top five items and schedule the time on your calendar, just like you would for a doctor’s appointment.” Also, don’t forget to schedule time to yourself for meditation and exercise, both of which will alleviate brain overwhelm and increase your sex drive.

Last of all, know that while there are valid reasons for a decrease in sex drive, the mind remains the largest sex organ. If you decide that sex is important, you’ll figure out ways to increase your libido.

Read more: http://galtime.com/article/love-sex/41416/49258/7-reasons-why-you-dont-want-sex#ixzz26nE3R2E5

Goddess Judicci Quoted in “After 50 Shades: Making Sense of Sex Terms” on GalTime

After 50 Shades: Making Sense of Sex Terms

Johanna Lyman
By Johanna Lyman, the JOY Professor Tier 2
on Monday, August 20, 2012
After 50 Shades: Making Sense of Sex Terms
the lingo of love

With all the buzz from the recent bestselling trilogy of “Fifty Shades” books, I wanted to clarify the differences between kinky sex, fetishes, BDSM between consenting adults, and sexual behavior that puts one or both partners in real danger.

Making Sense of Sex Terms

1. Kinky Sex. Kinky Sex anything that’s not “vanilla” sex. Vanilla sex is regular, straightforward intercourse between a man and a woman of legal age. There are a handful of positions acceptable for vanilla sex, with missionary position being the most vanilla. Vanilla sex does not include the use of toys, props, or restraints. Lots of people make it through their entire lives having vanilla sex.

Related: Sex: What He Really Wants (And Is Afraid to Ask For)

However, most couples find that sex gets boring after awhile, and kinky sex can add spice, or increased eroticism, into sex between long term committed partners. Since the other two options are boring sex and cheating, I recommend introducing a little kink instead. Kinky sex can include fetishes, BDSM, role playing, acting out fantasies, and using toys, props, or games. Don’t be afraid to experiment with kinky sex. You can start with something mild, like whipped cream and chocolate sauce a la naked bodies, and work your way up from there. Two dynamics make kinky sex erotic: the first is the novelty factor of trying something new, and the second is the excitement of playing an edge that brings you just outside your comfort zone. As your comfort zone gets bigger, you can try more new things.

2. Fetish. A fetish is something– a prop or body part– that a person requires in order to be sexually aroused. A very common fetish is a foot fetish; there are a surprising number of men who have foot fetishes to some degree. For some, just seeing a woman’s painted toenails peeking from a pair of high heels is exciting. Others may like to massage their partner’s feet or suck on her toes, while others may want feet involved in sex play. Speaking of degrees, there are levels of fetishism. Some people can not become sexually aroused without the fetish object present, while for others the fetish merely improves their sexual experience. Speaking from personal experience as someone who was leery about a guy with a foot fetish, I can tell you it’s more erotic than you might think. We have lots of nerve ending in our feet; think about how good a foot massage feels, then imagine that feeling leading to sex.

Related: 3 Mistakes Women Make in the Bedroom

3. BDSM. BSDM stands for bondage and discipline, sadism and masochism. BDSM between consenting adults can run the gamut from gentle restraints (think being tied to the bed with a necktie) to the “red room of pain” made popular by Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. “The key words with any BDSM play are “safe, sane, and consensual. These words distinguish BDSM from abuse,” according to sexologist Goddess Judicci. She explains, “Safe Words” are crucial. Safe Words help the players communicate within the “scene” (the action between the players) without pulling the players out of the agreed upon dynamics. Safe Words provide and empower the players to work within the boundaries, knowing that they can always adjust to whatever happens- and they allow players to discover their limits rather than anticipating them because they always feel safe. The most common Safe Words are “yellow” meaning, “caution – I’m beginning to feel afraid or that’s starting to feel too uncomfortable – please back off”; and “red” meaning – “STOP right now.” The importance of having and respecting a safe word can’t be underplayed. Without it, BDSM could easily slip into the danger zone.

4. The Danger Zone. The Danger Zone can happen in a number of ways. In no particular order, the danger zone exists when one partner feels pressured to do something they’re uncomfortable doing, when extreme degradation and disrespect is present, whenever real physical harm happens or is about to happen, and when someone is forced to have sex without their consent. To avoid the Danger Zone, Eve Minax, a sex educator who specializes in BDSM and kink, recommends, “Don’t jump into heavy edge play, do light restraint, light sensation play, explore with curiosity and love. And use the three C’s: Curiosity, Communication, and Compassion.” Experiment with either a partner you know well and trust, or hire a trained professional. If you hire a professional, be sure to ask for references and get feedback from the references about what worked and anything that didn’t work for them.

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Johanna Lyman is a published author, an internationally known speaker and teacher, and a Spiritual Love Coach.  She is a certified life coach (CCUG) trained by CoachUniversity. Johanna combines personal experience and esoteric studies in a humorous, practical and accessible style that empowers her clients to live the fullest expression of their lives.

Her business is Romance Recovery: Whether You Stay or Go:  Do It With Courage, Clarity and Ease www.romancerecovery.com.  She can be reached at Johanna@romancerecovery.com.

Read more: http://galtime.com/article/love-sex/41416/48978/after-50-shades-making-sense-sex-terms#ixzz246sZaeEZ

Goddess Judicci Quoted in 5 Ways to Be a Better Kisser in GalTime.com

5 Ways to Be a Better Kisser
Johanna Lyman
By Johanna Lyman, the JOY Professor
on Tuesday, June 26, 2012
5 Ways to Be a Better Kisser
add sizzle to your sex life

Kissing well is a learned skill. There’s no “one size fits all” strategy, because people respond differently and like different styles. There are some common denominators, however, that will ensure you pucker up like a pro.

5 Ways to Be a Better Kisser

1. Start with a clean mouth. According to Maria Merloni, Sex and Relationship Therapist, even a little bit of bad breath is a big turn off. Be sure to floss your teeth; decaying food stuck in your teeth is a major cause of bad breath. Another big cause is bacteria on the tongue, so use a tongue scraper too. Then brush those pearly whites, and add a gargle of mouthwash.

2. Make sure your lips are kissable. Use a lip moisturizer regularly. If your lips are still chapped, try brushing them with a lip moisturizer laden toothbrush. Back in the day, we used good old Vaseline, but now there are better options. Gently exfoliate with the toothbrush for super soft lips. When you know you’re going to be kissing, lay off the thick lip gloss and bright lipstick.

3. Remember that variety is the spice of life. Be playful and spontaneous. Alternate a deep French kiss with a nibble or a suck on his lower lip. And remember that you don’t have to confine your kissing to mouths! One of the reasons couples stop kissing as the relationship lengthens is because the same old thing gets boring after awhile. Explore different erogenous zones with your mouth. Some of my favorites include the back of the neck, earlobes, and having kisses trail from the base of the neck up to the mouth.

Related: Sex: What He Really Wants (and is Afraid to Ask For) 

4. It takes two: Goddess Judicci, a sexuality healer, offers this suggestion: “Kissing is a lot like dancing – it takes two to tango, and it takes the proper amount of “resistance” or “pressure” for partners to lead and follow. Don’t be shy about taking the lead– allowing your partner to sense how hungry you are for their lips is exciting. And don’t forget to pause and back off. Sometimes the sexiest part of a dance is when the partners pull away from each other, eying each other with appreciation and longing … the tension of separation is hot!”

5. Be in the moment: The sexiest thing you can bring to a make out session is your full presence and undivided attention. Eye contact is like foreplay for kissing. When you look at your partner with desire, he will instantly respond. Conversely, if your mind is wandering, even if it wanders to what may be coming next, he will sense your lack of presence to the moment. Pay attention: someone will kiss you the way they want to be kissed back. Hopefully your styles will match, but if they don’t then you can subtly guide him to your way when it’s your turn to kiss him back.

It’s easy to have a hot make out session with a new partner. The challenge comes when you’ve been together for a long time. Whether it’s familiarity, boredom, or routine, we forget how amazing it feels to have a good old-fashioned make out session. It’s one of many great ways to add spice into your relationship. If you want more ideas, check out my blog, Romance Recovery.

Read more: http://galtime.com/article/love-sex/41416/28252/5-ways-be-better-kisser#ixzz1zWTnDax1

Goddess Judicci quoted on “How To Talk Dirty” in GalTime

As seen on Galtime.com
How to Talk Dirty
Johanna Lyman
By Johanna Lyman, the JOY Professor Tier 2
on Tuesday, June 12, 2012
How to Talk Dirty
spice up your sex life

It’s not only what you say, but how you say it that matters. Words are powerful tools in all aspects of life, and they are often under-utilized in the bedroom. Maybe it’s because you’re shy, or you’ve internalized messages that disempower you when it comes to sex, or maybe you’re just not sure how to start. Here are some suggestions to help you say the right words to put your partner over the top.

How to Talk “Dirty”

1. Know what you want

Forget everything you’ve ever read or seen in movies about sex. Most women don’t have orgasms from penetration alone, that’s just not how our bodies were designed. Whether you’ve had a talented lover or you’ve had to figure it out on your own, only you really know what you need to be satisfied sexually. And if you don’t know, it’s time to figure it out. Do you have a fantasy? Let it play out in your imagination until you know exactly what both your and his roles are. Once you know exactly what you want, you’re ready for the next step.

Related: How to Have Great Phone Sex 

2. Ask for it specifically

One reason men appreciate when their partner talks dirty to them is that men are very visual. They become aroused easily by imagining a visual image. You can use this to your advantage by helping them make a connection between the mundane and the erotic. Lorae Lauritch, sexuality expert, says use guy-speak. For example, “I loved watching you wash the car, seeing how attentive and lovingly you caressed its chassis. I can imagine your hands slowly and lovingly washing my body in the shower making sure all my “parts” come out gleaming and polished.”

3. Get comfortable using whatever words you choose, whether they’re G rated or XXX

A common misconception is that you have to use “dirty” words, or words that may make you uncomfortable. According to Sex Expert Betty Martin– that’s not the case. “Often it just means ‘please be explicit in telling me what you like and how good it feels’. This is not always easy to do since we often don’t know what we like, and we’re embarrassed to say it.”

Martin says there’s a secret. “Start small. Ask for one small thing that’s relatively easy and you’ll grow from there. For example, ‘Would you scratch my back? Right there, oh yeah…’ Once you know how to ask, it expands naturally from there.”

4. Paint a picture with your words, whether it’s to help him make an erotic connection or to verbalize a secret fantasy

Sometimes we get tripped up by not knowing how to say what we want to say in bed. Dr. Deborah Anapol has this suggestion. “Being comfortable talking dirty means being comfortable using explicit terms for own and your partners (ahem… private areas) and the fun things you can do with them. Find words that appeal to you, whether these are familiar words from childhood, words drawn from other cultures or other languages, or from books, films, and pornography. Practice using them in private until they just roll off your tongue.”

Related: 3 Mistakes Women Make in the Bedroom 

5. The Fail-Proof Phrase

If you still don’t feel comfortable or aren’t sure what to say, try this: “I want you… now.” These four simple words will bring him to attention immediately. Best of all, you can expand on the theme by telling exactly what you want him to do… now.

Another reason sex talk is so erotic is that it lets us be someone else for a little while. In stepping outside our normal roles, we can be liberated. Novelty fuels eroticism, and one of the benefits of talking dirty according to the Goddess Judicci, a Sex Educator, is that you can verbalize “Images from our most intimate and vulnerable fantasies in an honest no-holds-barred manner.”

Judicci explains, “(You can) substitute the “proper” politically correct words that you know you “should” use in polite company, with the ones that turn you on the most – the words that get the juices flowing. If you speak those words and start to feel a rush, a blush, an animalistic roar inside your body, or you let out a giggle or a moan – and you see the intensity of your partners eyes or pleasure increase … you’re on the right path. Keep going, keep talking – set yourself free!”

And last, but not least: have fun with it. If you need help with other ideas to put the sizzle back in your relationship, email me at johanna@romancerecovery.com for a complimentary 30 minute call.

 

Read more: http://galtime.com/article/love-sex/41416/27901/how-talk-dirty#ixzz1yp9RdWPZ